Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Sheikh that booty!

The day has come that you never thought would come. Yes, reader. I am going to do the unthinkable. I am going to do the irreversible. I am going to uncharted territory without a map, torchlight or condoms. I am wandering into the undiscovered world of new… stuff. Anyway, you get the point.
I am going to thank the former Islamic Minister Shaheem.

Didn’t see that one coming did you? This here is my letter of gratitude to the Sheikh.

Dear Sheikh Shaheem,

I am but a humble student of your Islamic ways. I am but a pupil of your philosophies. I am but a follower of your actions. I am eternally grateful for telling, nay, showing me that what I have been feeling for so long is not wrong. I am of course, referring to the recent video that was “leaked” from a “hidden camera”. You’ve taught us once and for all that philandering is okay. You have taught us that keeping my trouser snake in for too long is unhealthy. You have taught us once and for all that getting up close and personal with a woman to play with her fun parts is an important part of our way of life.

All these years of having sex without the bond of marriage, I thought was wrong. I even heard you mention it in one of your lectures that went on for five hours but didn’t seem long enough. Your eternal wisdom should be sprayed on us all, much like the spray that woman in the video would have gotten when you have had your way with her, you naughty dog you.

I always wondered why everyone said sex was wrong and dirty when it was for purposes other than reproducing. But they kept doing it. You, holiest of holy sheikhs, have made the ultimate statement in the form of a question posed for society at large:“Why talk about it when you can just do it?” Or, “just stop talking about it and make a fucking video, why don’t you?”

You may not know this, but I stood up and applauded your balls. Not literally, of course, holy sheikh. I am talking metaphorically. No matter that I was standing and clapping in the middle of the work day in the work place while slacking off from work and watching videos and everyone was confused and looking at me. I didn’t care. The ultimate answer had been given to the age old question. “Do sheikhs fuck around?” the answer that you gave us was quite bad ass, if I might say so. “Watch this, bitches.”

I thank you again, oh sheikhiest of sheikhs. I will continue being a hypocrite. While I might not be able to reach the amount of sheer hypocrisy you have, I can only aspire to learn from the master himself. I will fuck to the best of my abilities and use my balls to their fullest potential. That time I was being literal though.

Your avid fan, narrow minded supporter and lifelong student,