Monday, September 12, 2011

The sad song of whateverrrr

I’ve been listening to a song of late. This song, I find, heard too many times is kind of annoying. Okay I fib. It is, in fact, very annoying. This is not a song with music attached to it, not sung in a melodic way in which to please our sound receptors. This song is more of a whining. A whining of a certain group of people.

People who keep telling me that this here Male’ is a boring place. The song in question is the repetitive complaints they spew out.

"What-EVRRR! This place sucks! How can I enjoy anything without a Starbucks?"
"I'm like, SO bored! Let's go like, hang at the mall... oh wait... you don't have one. what-everrrr!"
and I'm like, "I don't know whats sadder, your complete disregard for your country or your fucking face."

I think words in the form of a rant just seems inadequate here. Let us try something else here. By us, I mean of course, me. Here is my response to you guys in the form of a little poem.

This place is dark, dreary and glum
This place is somewhat a giant slum
Fret do the naysayers and look down their noses
Expecting assorted pleasures on a bed of roses
While one agrees that here, pickings are slim
One must point out that all is not so grim
We don’t have McDonald’s, Pizza Huts or Starbucks
I find it hard to give a shit, a damn or two fucks
While we don’t hang around all day at huge malls
To enjoy life in this part of the world takes huge balls
I may not know the experience of a club or rave
I find such shallow endeavors is not something I really crave
While you may claim that we only have coffee after coffee
I just think that’s what you do, being so idle and time so free
I might not have the fancy life you do, but know this for sure
People here who have purpose, and convictions pure,
Have no trouble filling their lives with meaning and substance
You wander around in its complete absence
When you all come back from that three year clusterfuck
I shall still pat your back and wish you good luck.

 Schooled, bitches.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Boogle Woogle

To say that the state of current Maldives is very sad would be an understatement. That seems to be the latest trend, to pick on our great state. Even I could have said that this place is a godforsaken piece of excrement which endorses the public in a false sense of unity and the high paid politicians are shitting in our mouths. But did I say that? No I did not. Not those exact words, anyway.

But come on! Even you guys have to admit that there are NO other countries in which you can learn to do black magic and voodoo. Fuck yeah. That is the shit. Fucking badass.

Official school logo.

Listen to this. The reason why they have decided to bestow this slice of awesome to our naïve and backwards community is because we really have no idea how to defend ourselves from the cocksucking assholes who are joojoo-ing us behind our backs.

Fuck them! We’ll show them, won’t we? Yeah. It’s not like we have any other threats of being, say, being stabbed in the face by a drug deprived junkie for our wallets. Naaahhh! We’ll just take our black magic mojo training, thank you very much!

Starter kit.

And I am guessing we shall surely get our money’s worth as world renowned joojoobee enchanters and universally recognized black magic necromancer banshee dispellers will come and teach us the ways of the boogle life.

Lecturer: Bad Mojo 101

The next time any fucked up knife wielding lunatic comes towards you with that killing intent, break out your spell book and show him what you are made of. Namely blood and fragile flesh.

That’ll teach them.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

For shame.

Recently, the Male' City Council discussed the "nuisance and bother" of expatriate workers who gather on Fridays to the Republic Square. Here is the article on Minivan News where you can read the details or whatnot.

Really, Male' City Council? Really? Nuisance? Bother? You know what else is a bother? You lot.

You are more than a bother. You are more than a fucking nuisance. You are a fucking joke, Male' City Council. Fuck you. In the worst possible way, fuck you all.

Who the fuck do you think you are? These are human beings, for crying out loud. They build your houses. They clean the houses they build. They fucking throw your trash. And you give them flak for going to the Republic Square once a week? Fuck that noise. Do they bother you assholes when they take all the abuse you give them? They live in shacks. Get paid minimum. They survive on scraps of food. They work harder than most Maldivians. You have the ass blasting audacity to call them a bother, you glorified collection of buttfucks?

One of the points against expatriate workers going there, is because they damage the grass? Really? You know what else damages the grass, you imp dicked retards? Get a few hundred protesters on it. Which you do on a regular basis, whichever party you hail from. Fuck this. You fuckwads make me ashamed to be called a Maldivian.

And I see you have a couple of movie stars on your group. They even did that job horrendously. What makes you think you can do a better job serving the people? You turd based life forms are a good for nothing over paid waste of air.

Also, apparently the expatriate workers are committing indecent acts in Sultan Park. You know who else commits these acts, in greater numbers? Maldivians. Fucking junkie motherfuckers and their cockbite girl counterparts. Why don't you address the nuisance and bother of fucking drug infused fucktards having a good orgy or two in the darkness, Mr. Big Shot Film Star?

Just go fuck yourselves. Obviously you would rather belittle and demean a hardworking group of people which YOU LOT brought into the country to do YOUR work than deal with real problems which are happening everyday.

These people get a free day, once a week. They hang once a week. That's not a bother. It's not even a nuisance.

Try and go after the junkies, wife beaters, child molesters, murderers, thieves, muggers, dealers and smugglers first, you clusterfuck of stupid shit for brains fucks.

Next time you are in your air conditioned offices having your personal secretary blow you, take a break from watching porn or cybersexing and look up the word empathy. It just might help you a little bit to understand how to do your fucking jobs which you are paid to do. By the people.

Sunday, March 06, 2011

The Feminal Entities

Feminists. They are some of the finest women in the world. I like them. They are intelligent, open minded, easy to talk to and very civilized. But usually not very attractive. But you know what pisses me off? Feminazis. They are annoying, loud, crass and unreasonable. They tell tales of strong women and weave intricate conspiracies as to how men keep women in low jobs and how men are the enemy of the world. Let me tell you something. If we men never wanted you to, you wouldn't have the liberties you'd have now. so shut the fuck up and leave us the fuck alone. Sure, feminazis are a fucking annoyance, but at least they believe in what they are fighting for. I can respect that. I like a woman with some fight in her. It's cute.

You know what pisses me off to a greater extent? False feminists. Women who pretend to believe in the principles of feminism but are total wankers. Now I know that statement is physically contradicting, but you know what I'm getting at, don't you? I have encountered many faux feminists over the years. I have observed them for quite some time now. But this has gone too far. To the point I'm starting to sympathize with the fucking feminazis. This has to stop. Now.

You know its a sad day when a sexist has to stand up for women. I am conveying this message to all the faux feminists out there.

You know who you are. You speak of empowerment, but you behave like a fucking weakling. You talk of independence but you whine about a lack of a man in your life. You talk of equal jobs for both sexes, but you are fucking incompetent. All of you, listen up. You better start practicing what you preach or shut the fuck up before I introduce you to the back of my hand. That's right. The pimp hand. You know why? Because the world is better off without your bullshit.

That's right. You are a disgrace to women. You are no different than the countless women who act as breeding and feeding machines. You are no different than the millions of faceless women who will leave no significance after their deaths. You are no more relevant than a expired bar of Snickers. We all know you are bullshitting. Why? Because you contradict yourself at every turn. You want to be victimized. You want to be seen as the inferior sex. Stop it. You are setting women back decades. Its disgusting. No, YOU are disgusting. Don't talk about equality if you are just going to play the "I'm a woman" card every time to get out of doing any real work.

If you can't be a feminist, don't pretend to be one. If you don't believe in being an example of a strong woman, don't spin tales of being so. Fuck you. You are the worst kind of person. Even I don't pull shit like that. That's saying something.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not suddenly being a... non-sexist... un-sexist? Whatever. I'm me. I just don't like them faux feminists, is all.