Friends may just be the most precious commodity in this world. They are the people who lift you up when you are down. They are the people who fix you up after you break up with your woman. They are the ones you turn to in times of need. We all need friends. And when someone messes with your friends, you don’t take it lying down.
It seems like just yesterday I ran into my bud Satan. I was walking home after tripping over an old man into a puddle. I was five, or so, I think. He seemed delighted. He pointed and laughed at the man before talking to me.
We have been BFF ever since.
It appears that the wahhaabees are hell bent on blaming Satan for everything. See what I did there? I had no idea things had escalated this much. Its getting out of hand.
I was trying to sleep when I got a call. It was Satan’s mom. Apparently, he had been in his room for a week. She wanted me to go talk to him. So I made the trip to hell, after the long ritual of human sacrifice and goats blood and some pentagrams. I admit it was nice visiting hell after so long. Its always Satan who comes to visit me.
Ma Satan was waiting for me at the palace. I patted the pet dragon Azazel. I had missed him the most. Ma Satan led the way to Satan’s room, wished me good luck and left. I knocked and entered. Familiar Black Sabbath music rang through the room.
He sat there. In the dark. It was nice the way his eyes light up when I come over. I mean literally. They light up with fire or something.
He told me how the damn wahhaabees were going about blaming him for every little thing. How is it his fault that people can’t keep it in their pants? He has bigger fish to fry. Who do you think keeps the Middle Eastern war going?
So I learnt that even Satan was sick of the haabees’ hypocrisy. So I told him what I would’ve told anyone at that point. If someone tries to oppress you, then you should fight back. Give them hell. But in this case, not literally. Then we started to talk about the old times. And that really started to cheer him up. We had a couple of goblets of virgin blood and had a good time with the succubae. I saw the old Satan again. Well, almost. Then I had the best idea.
We decided to go down the torture chambers and rip open a haabee or two. Yeah, that cheered him up real nice. There are a lot of them down there to choose from you know.
Don’t believe me? You’ll see for yourself when you are down there… soon enough.