Tuesday, January 22, 2008

If I were the President... or something

I found myself thinking about stuff I would do if I was the president. Well, conversation at a coffee got a little political, and me being me, I drifted into my own thoughts, since I cant stand asshole who pretend to be political. Fuck you all who spoil perfectly fun coffees with your talk of golhaaboa’s and golhaa force and political parties and whatnot.
Sure, politics is important, but I just couldn’t care less. Bite me.
Ahem…

If I was president:

Police brutality would be legal. Damn right. The police would be mine. Anyone who pisses me off would be fucking obliterated.

Patrolmen on the streets would have assault rifles. ‘coz some people have attitude problems. I don’t like people with attitude problems.

I will fire everyone at the IGMH cashier counters. They pissed me off the other day.

Goth wannabe’s will be killed on sight. Mascara wearing asswipes piss me off. Its not cool. Its not intriguing. Mascara is for women. Just because Danni Filth wears mascara doesn’t mean you maggots have to wear it. Fucking fags.

Gay bashing will be a government sanctioned profession. I hate homos. May you all burn in the deepest depths of hell.

There will be a ministry of video games, a ministry of entertainment and a ministry of hot chicks. All mine.

I would nuke the Dhivehi Film “Industry”. And kill all the actors and actresses and directors and everyone. Especially Amjay and whoever made the flier for his latest “Guest House” film. He will die a painful death.

Kill Kasauti time

Massacre whoever plagiarizes music instead of writing original stuff. I have ideas for your demise.

Destroy the tsunami monument, cut off the hands of whoever designed it and helped built it in any way. It’s a disgrace and a mockery and I fucking hate it.


Well, that’s kinda the main stuff I would do, I did have more ideas, but by then the civilians would have rallied and assassinated me. At least I would die happy. But IF anyone would assassinate me, please use something creative. Think outside the box. DON’T use a fucking kitchen knife. at least hire some mafia guy and hit me with a sniper or something.


16 comments:

VinCenT said...

So basically... u bein elected means the end of life as we no it on this sorry lil place we call home...

asemah said...

Bwaaa haa haa, you'll make a fine Overseer to this pitiful place when I dominate the world.

Any other contenders can fight this guy (to the death) over it

bandey said...

its a long run on the "when" part....
pfft.. dominate earth.. hehhe dont make me laugh.. my underbelly alone can dominate half of this galaxy...
just imagine my manbreasts gobbling up the universe lightyear by lightyear...

Anonymous said...

Are you outta your freakin mind!

maa nasih said...

You could give our dearly beloved dictator a run for his money I'd say

destroyer said...

while you are at it, bend over and give me you arse, I'll pound you real good.

shaf said...

Sweeeeeeeeeeeeet! Elect me as a minister of something interesting. I'm already your best friend no? 0:>

Iya said...

@vincent:: You would be one of the first people to die, of course... consider it an honor.

@asemah:: YOU have plans to dominate the world? try dominating the pants in your love life, man. THEN talk to me.

@bandey:: shit! i imagined it!! FUCK!!

@anonymous:: why would you think im out of my mind?

@maa:: he cant hold a candle to what I'd do, sweetie. IF i was president, people would want golhaaz back.

@destroyer:: im not gay, sorry. you'd die if i get presidency.

@shaf:: no! u get ur mom to cook me mas riha! THEN we can talk about a ministry.

Thom said...

You got my vote, any frikking day ;)
Oh, and can I have a ministry too? pls pls pls pls =P

Munaz said...

I could read ur blog over and over again. Cracks me up. hahaha

Iya said...

@thom:: i'll give u a ministry if u become my "spokesperson" *winkwink*

@munaz:: thanx, friend. nice to know i shine a rainbow of joy in your life. pfffft.

The Shadowrunner said...

You DO realise that monument looks like a penis with anal beads straddling it?.

nynaeve said...

finally the page loaded...phew..i was gonna..ahem ahem..

I cudnt agree more with the shadow runners comment on the monument..everytime i see it, i cant help say hi "pee pee"! :D

yeah, shoot at will sounds crazy for attitude cases;)and for the film industry too..am with you all the way, its killin me already:D

as for your assassination?muahahaha...I'll get back to you on that..not gonna be that soon cos am sure..your audience n friends still want more;)

Iya said...

@shadowrunner:: we all KNOW, dude... sheeeeesh! why do you think everyone hates it? come out of that cave u live in and smell the AIR!

@nynaeve:: shooting on sight aint fun... I'll make them beg first.

The Shadowrunner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

hirirng a mafia guy and hitting the president with a sniper...dats thinking outside the box? lol.
ok so i got ur point but anyway, its funny. i do hope u die a painful death as president :D