Monday, May 21, 2007

My first sequel!!

In my latest venture of generalizing and categorizing people, I have, as you all know, started to study and observe groups of people who roam around and sometimes… err… work, at the place where I work. This is related to the previous post in this blog, but this time, I’ll try and be a little short and sweet.
The following are the groups/herds of people that weren’t mentioned in the previous post.

The dick headed water cooler gang
Walking dicks. It is my estimate that every office has one of these. The dick headed water cooler gang is a bunch of guys who gather often and talk about their ‘conquests’. Normally during a smoke or around the water cooler. Conversations revolve around how may girls they ‘banged’ of what a great ass a girl has. Normally the proud boyfriend of more than one girl/woman. A ally of the spice girl type bimbo chicks (see previous post). It can be said based on the speech patterns and behavior of the dick headed water cooler gang members that all they think about is sex. All the time. Devising plans and strategies to get into girls’/women’s pants all the time. Most of these strategies, I must say, work most of the time… unfortunately.

The bitch slapped workaholics
The bitch slapped workaholics are a fascinating breed. He/she gives all to the office… a hundred and one percent everyday. Seldom taking time to enjoy themselves, these creatures reside in the workplace day and night.
True story: there is a recorded event of a bitch slapped workaholic taking a vacation SO THAT HE COULD WORK FROM HOME. No kidding. I know… take a moment to calm yourselves down before proceeding.
The bitch slapped workaholics are the extremists of all work groups/herds. The al-Qaeda of the office area, if you will. You can know if a person is a bitch slapped workaholic if he/she has little to no social life.

The anus wart-ed drama queen
Next to the spice girl type bimbo chick, the next most annoying species in the workplace is the anus wart-ed drama queen. This is a whiny, squeaky little ingrate who is a self centered hypocrite. It is practically impossible to have a conversation with the anus wart-ed drama queen without the conversation tuning into a story about how she bested some problem or her having trouble in her relationship. You can notice The anus wart-ed drama queen by her speech patterns, which resembles the fake dialogue of Maldivian ‘soap operas’ and corny Maldivian movies. Don’t ask.
True story: I have one in my section. Yes. The agony is unbearable.

The lazy assed hippies
The lazy assed hippies are a common breed. Often showing up late for work, sign in, go for breakfast, come back, sit at the PC for 30 minutes or less, coffee break, come back, 30 minutes, lunch break, sign out, go home. This is the most common routine of the lazy assed hippies. Usually a spoiled bunch, who mostly got the job coz their parents talked to somebody who talked to somebody who got them the job. Also, the lazy assed hippie freaks have a much shorter lifespan than any of the species in the work area. Either fired or quit because of extreme boredom.

Hopefully, that’s it on my study of the office wildlife. I kinda felt like the late great Steve Irwin slowly and discreetly looking at the specimens of nature.
Although this is the end of my species study, my workplace is an interesting place. This is not the end of my office stories, people. Be warned.

20 comments:

XefroX said...

kewl observation...coool..

Mrs. GoDZ|LLa said...

AHAAHAA!!! iya.. i'm speechless.

what better way is there to put this stuff into words??

obinoway ingey.. i salute u. hehe

Shanu said...

interesting.. so this is what I have to deal with once I get back? I am so dreading going back..( I'v worked for an year 7 yrs ago.. and I dont recall much of that.. :))

I enjoyed the analysis immensly.. gave me chills down me bones :P

vincinity of obscenity said...

thank u all... thank you thank you!! *sniff* *sob*

ur comliments flatter me so.. lol

well, im gnna continue wrtitng abt me office if anything interesting happens. look forward to a different post next time.

bandey said...

seriously you have too much time at your office. but great work. bring us a new breed now n then..

ZINGMENOT said...

if i may, i say u are kinda complaining. but i know u write about these things becoz u want to so i rest my case.

cheers

Dragonfly said...

*compliment*

Zoe said...

AND I AM? O_o

WAAIT, I think I belong to the "Iyaa-can't-specify-my-personality" group! :D

vincinity of obscenity said...

zingmenot:: wtf??? whats the POINT in ur comment? im complaining but not complaining? wat r u, stupid? hope ur armpit is better. :p

bandey:: sure thing

dragonfly:: *accept*

vincinity of obscenity said...

zoe:: ur a anus wart-ed drama queen. clearly u think the world revolves around urself.

:p

Nynaeve Al' Meara said...

I partly fit to the "The bitch slapped workaholics" group....but not that extreme now...hehehhe...wow, that was a bit dejavu...
Anywho, the award for the best observer goes to non other than YOU..keep it up, be careful where you put your nose into:P
hope its not a hornets nest...tee hee:)

tinkerrrbell said...

u sure love your office! cant wait for more juicy observations!

Solitudinarian Narrator said...

Wow.. U've got a way of writing them!

vincinity of obscenity said...

thanx @ nynaeve, tink, SN.

but like i said.. i'll check up on the office later.. im gonna do something different next

:D

autodynamix said...

hahah. nice observations..

ANGEL IN DEBT said...

loving what you have done...
but just curiousity..... which category do u fall under??... cos am still debating on mine...;)

vincinity of obscenity said...

read the previous post, angel in debt... tell me ur work habits and i'll tell u wat u r also.

kaidha said...

u sure have categorised ur office from asses to bitches
i was wondering where do u fit into???

vincinity of obscenity said...

dammit, i am an overall asshole/bully as explained in the previous post. there. happy?

jeeeez does it take a whole ton of effort to check out the other post?

|| .P.I.S.S.U. || lavabaazee time !! || said...

hehehehe .....cool categorization of ppl...really cool heheee