Monday, June 25, 2007
What? Me? Quit?
Fellow readers (if I have any) I have started my usual chain of smoking again. Yes. It was inevitable. I can’t stop. There is no hope. But I’m here to tell you that I have tried. So hard. Last year alone, I must have tried about 17 times to quit. But it turns out I’m not a quitter. Which would be a good quality, if it didn’t have a high probability of lung cancer.
I tried to take my mind off of smoking. Rid myself of every lighter, every pack, every cigar. ANYTHING that reminded me of smoking. I felt good. I hadn’t smoked that day… THEN I went to a coffee. Damn, was that a mistake or what? I mean, how stupid could I BE? Smoke flying left and right. And unfortunately my coffee gang has a very diverse taste in ciggies. Marlboros, Calmels, Mild sevens, even Dunhills, for crying out loud! I lasted a total of six hours on that attempt. I had to buy a new pack and lighter, dig out the dustbin for my collectible lighters and cigars. I know… pathetic.
Then I quit again. Cold turkey. Strong will power. I wasn’t gonna smoke. Ever. Yes sir. No more smoke for me. No taste of tobacco. No more going out for a smoke when I’m stressed out. No more flicking my lighter. No more future Zippo plan. I would NOT. No more smell of tobacco. Sweet tobacco. Smooth tobacco. My true companion… by burning friend… aaaaaaannnnd before I knew it, I was smoking a ciggie. 15 minutes, that attempt lasted.
I am a victim of circumstance. Totally. You really can’t blame me. The most successful attempt lasted eight days. EIGHT DAYS!!! I went eight days before the stress got to me. And the most pathetic attempt was the last time I tried to quit. I tried the whole “decreasing dose” method. Let me tell you people… it doesn’t work. It only makes the craving more intense. The damned hippie who came up with that method can burn in the everlasting fires of hell for all I care. When you start smoking less and TRY to decrease the amount you smoke, the desire to light another one always kicks in. Damn!
I guess some people are meant to quit and some people aren’t. I’m just too stubborn for my own good.