Monday, July 30, 2007

ASK IYA

I noticed that in most magazines, they have an “ask *insert name here*” section. In this particular section, people send in letters and stuff, seeking advice for their personal dilemmas from an anonymous stranger. I thought how much fun it would be to have my own “ask Iya” section in a magazine.

This is what I think the end result would look like:

Example #1
Dear Iya, my boyfriend doesn’t respect me. He always teases me in front of his friends and doesn’t consider my opinion in our relationship. What should I do? – Aisha
Jeez! Stop being a fucking drama queen and DO something about it, Aisha. It seems its not your relationship and its HIS relationship. If you act like a damsel in distress you will be treated like trash. Butch the fuck up.

Example #2
My girlfriend and I don’t seem to connect emotionally. But we always go out. I always buy stuff for her when she wants to. When she goes for a coffee with her friends she brings me along and I pay the bill. What’s wrong here? Why can’t we seem to connect? Help me, Iya. I really love her. – Shameem
No offence, dude, but it seems like your girlfriend is a materialistic bitch. She’s just using you to get stuff. She probably has another boyfriend. If you are looking for a “deep” and “meaningful” relationship, dump her ass and get a more mature girl. And don’t give me that “I really love her” speech, you fucking pussy! You make me sick.

Example #3
I have no reason to live. Everyone hates me. My girl left me and my friends don’t really care about me. I have suicidal thoughts all the time. I don’t know what to do. Life sucks. I hate life. – anonymous
The world doesn’t revolve around you. Get over yourself. Shit happens. Life doesn’t stop. Fuck you. I hate people like you who think life sucks. Life doesn’t suck. YOU suck. So what if your girlfriend left you? Who wouldn’t? You sound like an overgrown crybaby! Just get another one. And as for your friends, IF they are your friends, they would care no matter what. You don’t want to kill yourself. You just want attention. Grow a pair of balls, why don’t you?
The most dangerous man is the man who has nothing to lose. Think about that.

**DISCLAIMER**
All people depicted are fictitious. Any resemblance to real life problems of real life people are purely coincidental.
This post is purely humorous and if you dont get the joke, go fuck yourselves.

36 comments:

bulhaa said...

dear iya, i find myself highly attracted to this post of yours. its making me do weird things. like my mouth stretches and my teeth flashes and a 'ha-ha' sound is coming out. WHAT DO I DO??


lolz

Spark of Silence said...

I think this would be more effective than the typical calm type of response people get from magazines. Its harsh, but true. You have a creative mind :D

ZINGMENOT said...

Do ppl tell that kinda stories. kekekekek anyways nice one bro. pretending not to be judgmental but this is one of ur best and no need to ask if its original coz u r the only guy who can cook this shit up.

cheers

vincinity of obscenity said...

@ bulhaa:: umm.. ur LAUGHING, bulhaa. its NORMAL. and the desired reaction to this post. THANX!!

@ SOS:: thanx, dude. it IS true. and i think some ppl just need some sense knocked into them.

@ zing:: thanx, bro. an ACTUAL comment from u intead of the gibberish u write here... interesting change of pace. kudos.

DarkAngeL said...

hhhahahhaha lol.... sooo funny!!! kkeke

Foolhudhigu Handi said...

Dear Iya, is there anyway I can have my aiminaa-bee back

Shanu said...

Dear Iya,
I find myself visiting and re-visiting your blog, and wanting to respond to your posts and comments, as well as an inkling to provoke you..

Could you please tell me what that is? could this be love? or is it something bigger?

vincinity of obscenity said...

@ darkangel:: thank yooooo!!!

@ FDH:: ummm... errr... i suggest you join the "I'm a terrible failure club" :D

@ shanu:: well its not love or anything bigger. its just sqeaky whining and mediocre annoyance.

Shweetoshcope said...

dear iya,

i think im in love with you. what do u think i shall do? im so fuckin confused.

(A)

vincinity of obscenity said...

@ shweetoshcope:: its ok, coz i love u too *winkwink*

LOL

Zoe said...

Aaaahahahahahaha. ROFFLMFAO! Good, very good. I think you should actually start one. Imagine all the useless crapholes you can save! Cool!!! *wink!*

Dear Iya,
I think you piece of shit is just making good publicity for your blog.
Thank you.

Forever good buddies,
Almighty Zoe.

Anonymous said...

hey iya, a friend of mine got together with this girl who later cheated on him and got into a making out spree with some guyS and had been at it for some time. Now she's gotten together with someone very very close and dear to me. and of a family i know and love. i dont want such a girl to come into that family. i dont think the guy knows what kind of girl she really is. what should i do? im afraid he wont listen to me over his new girlfriend.

SUOMYNONA!!!!!!! said...

GAWD..ur funny!!

vincinity of obscenity said...

@ zoe:: at least its GOOD publicity!!

@ anonymous:: kinky girl u got there... hope i meet her and i can make out with her on one of her "spree"s. she hot?

@ suomynona:: thanx, buddy... confusing name, though...

Anonymous said...

u still havent told me what i shud dooooo iya.and she's a bit above average. got an innocent look to her.

Waylander said...

Heheh.. I hail u! :D

vincinity of obscenity said...

@ anonymous:: i suggest u stop whining and talk to this guy. bitching wont help anything, man.

@ waylander:: thanx for hailing! ALL HAIL!!!

Anonymous said...

its u iya. the girl's bulhaa.
"kinky girl u got there... hope i meet her and i can make out with her on one of her "spree"s."
well, ur wish came true. adhi dhimaaveema kaleyaa dhimaalah bavaalan vefaey othy.hehe. she's 7yrs younger than u huh? saabas iya. male' in anhen kudhin husveetha mihaaru kudakudhin falhan thiulheny? :p hehe

vincinity of obscenity said...

@ anonymous:: aawwww ur making me blush. its so great that u'd take defence over the veil of anonymity and accuse me. not cowardly at all.

but seriously, if u got a problem with me, say it to my face. i dont care for cowards. i dont know cowards. but u claim to know me. interesting.

rugiyya said...

hey you coward! [whoever you are]
its not 7 years..its 6 years differnece! :P

haadha bodakah bulhaa ingigeney dho thi banboo eh thi ulheny..
n yeah even if its 50 years difference,wat is it to you anonymous guy??? j vy dho kudakoh eyna nulibunyma?

thi myhaku thi ulheny anhenun husvegen tha male' in bulhaa yaa iya ge vaahaka thi dhahkany maa varakah?


and yea, as i knw bulhaa, i can swear on god that bulhaa has not cheated on anyone..yet alone ur friend[whoever dat is]...


so thihaa ingigen noolhun varah bodah edhen..n please stop spreading bad rumors about people,u self righteous coward!!

freespirit said...

O.O

Anonymous said...

bulhaa bulhaa bulhaa.lol. rugiyyaa ey(probably bulhaa). but lets call you rugiyya.

"and yea, as i knw bulhaa, i can swear on god that bulhaa has not cheated on anyone..yet alone ur friend[whoever dat is]...".

thihuree vaa bulhaa ingifa. how do i know that she cheated on him and had the makeout later? becos i was 'A' guy whom she made out with within just 3days of her breakup with that too goody shoes bf of hers. rangalhu dhen. ei magey friendekey buni irah gabooluves koffi.heheh. ehenveema thihuree bulhaa varah rangalhah ingifa ennu.

dont take my word for it iya. ask her urself. ask her abt the guyS she's made out with etc. doesnt really matter even if u do know or not. ur really gonna enjoy it too. :p and ive had my fill of bulhaa. she was gooooood. but it was so easy. and to think she looked so innocent. thats the best part. hehe. the beginning of a badi. oh wait. already one. jes ask her. but then again u'll eventually find out. have fun :D

kaiza shozey said...

ooooh. its getting hot in here. hi anonymous.its me, mr.too goody shoes u were referring to back there. yea, we broke up. but it had nothing to do with cheating. and no. nothing happened even after the breakup. 3days ey?lol. who in the world is gonna believe that dude. u need some serious help. uve been watching too many pornos dude. and u of all ppl? making out with her? lol. dream on. as if thats gonna happen. i know her damn well and she shared everything with me. if u r whom i think u r, she told me abt u way back then.

some retard who was desperate to get to her but was failing every bit of the way. kaleyah emme boduvaru vegenves eyna mathin handhaan koh koh geyah gos athun halaigen araa nidhan jeheynee. so good luck with that. cheers ;)
"stop spreading bad rumors about people,u self righteous coward!!"
i dont think i need to repeat that. so jes fly away mr.fairy ,and find some other girl to fantasize abt.

ZINGMENOT said...

How come all this is stopped. its getting better. kekekek

anyways iya, i am proud to call u mu cuz after this. u bring tears to my eyes.

btw is it true u n bulhaa. hmmmmm. sounds creative. kekeke

i think this surpasses all the articles u have wrote yet man.

cheers

vincinity of obscenity said...

woooaaaaahhhh!!! i should hit myself for missing this fight! damn!

@ rugiyya, kaiza shozey:: umm.. ... ... calm down?

@ anonymous:: yes, she is good. but i dont think that u had ur fill of her. otherwise u wudnt go bitching on my blog if u had. and if u think ur getting on my nerves, u got it wrong, coz i am very happy ur getting worked up over me n bulhaa.

that innocence ur talking about, remember that? yea.. that innocence, and everything that goes with it.. imagine that. its mine.

findhu fureytha said...

what's wrong anonymas cat(bulhaa)got ur tongue?....why don't u go fuck a stuffed cat toy or something..

Anonymous said...

ive had my fill dude. thats WHY im telling what hapened cos by saying it like that bulhaa would now have a pretty good idea who i am meaning no more. n getting on ur nerves? lol. duuuude. seriously. u n i both know that after hearing that she makes out with ppl jes like that, it actually brought u a thrill.it would actually bring a smile to u. better for u that way. now u can do what u did with the hulhumale' bitu.i DID say have fun right? i meant it. ;) and i cud tell u in detail everything that happened and on what days and the stuff we did but even im not THAT horrible.lol.

and kaiza, i feel so sad for u. seems like u still dont know the real reason for the breakup. its guilt. and sounds like u dont even know what happened right after ur breakup and even before it at the very end. dont even know about the makeouts n all right afterwards and with what guyS.lol. this is even better than i thought.

so adios everyone. tata n take care :D

kaiza shozey said...

dear anonymous, thank u so much for the info which i dont care about at all. if u know me that much then ull know to listen to what i have to say very carefully. ill say this only once "i dont wanna see u comment or mention anything about bulhaa on what she may or may not have done. in this blog(im sure iya wud agree with me considering this is his blog) or even in bulhaa's blog.dont push me jes cos ur comments are as anonymous." so toodles n tc :D

Dragonfly said...

ooh crud I missed it.. thus the confusion maybe :S
Findhufureytha wants Anonymous but he's still hung up on Bulhaa and thus the rebuttal from both?
Weird...

Nice to see you can still irk people outta their holes Iya, keep it up. Hehe

ZINGMENOT said...

well this is real absurd that u ppl are taking advantage of free blog. now this has turned into an orgie kkekekeke. btw IZZAITHERI ANONYMOUS please calm ur ego becoz seems to me u are a pathetic looser who is saying that he had his full of the "CAT" but y is that i have a very strong feeling that it was the only thing good which happend to you and now that u dont have it u wana brag about it coz it reminds u of the cat which u cant hav anymore. just grow up dude women nor men shud go beyond their limits and FYI i kinda have this feeling that u wud end up screwd up soon coz i heard a whisper that a hunting party is organized to hunt u down and to eliminate the threat to our humble society as u are a mentaly damaged dog which need to be put down.

OLLLA CHEERS

~shan~ said...

2 words! master piece!

i'm totally with you on this one dude!

Anonymous said...

VARAH MAJAAAAAA, pachas puchus VARAH MAJAA... btw dont bother with others lives anonymous dudes & dudets coolio

koolu postu

xs said...

LOL

created urself a bulhaa fan club, didnt u, iya?

kewl post, btw...must see how INNOCENT ur cat is...;)

. : White Lie : . said...

ROFL!

maail said...

Lol...I can't believe I missed this...dear anon, i think your just crying over spilt milk...iya got her...your didn't..move on.. :P

aesha said...

dear iya

i tend to fart soo much.what shud i do?

your truely reader
aesha

hehe..this is a very interesting post