New Year Post

And thus the New Year befalls upon the folk of Maldives. Festivities, dinners with your loved ones, going out to parties, “discos” and getting some action. This is some ways which you guys will celebrate, isn’t it? Oh, and the resolutions! Lets us not forget the resolutions!!!

Fuck you all. Yes. You heard me. Fuck you.

All the petty little things you do to “celebrate” new years mean nothing. Dinner with your girl/boy friend? Why? Why now? Why not before? Just this ONE day? New year is the most pathetic thing to “celebrate” next to valentines day. And the one next to new years would be birthdays… but those are totally different altogether. This is just an excuse for you people to go wild. Why do you need an excuse? The fact that you need one is pitiful in itself. Hypocrites, that’s what the load of you are. All year long, you refuse to do something crazy. You are itching to… you know you want to, but “what would people think”? that’s the thing that keeps most people from doing it. Oh, and we all know society takes a break on new years. Look around, you donkey dicked pussy bags! Society is still there. People are STILL watching you, judging you. Nothing changes.Grow a fucking pair of balls. Do what you wanna do, WHEN you feel like it. Don’t “save it all” for new year. That’s even worse than wanting to “save your flower till you marry”.

And resolutions? Fuck resolutions. Nobody sticks to resolutions. But all of u stinking butt-licks make fucking resolutions.
“I’m gonna start my own business”
“I’m gonna stop smoking”
“I’m gonna stop being a whore”
“I’m gonna bend over more often”

And the ever popular “I made a resolution to not make resolutions *giggle*”

Fuck you all in the ass with a bent spoon. Sideways.

*** This rant is directed at no one in particular. The author was generally pissed. And since this is a blog and the author has the right to write what the fuck ever he wants on here, he decided to post this load of crap. If anyone takes offence, the author invites them to write a complaint and send it to him so he can shove it up their irrelevant, tapeworm infested asses. ***

Inspired by me...?

Its said to me often enough… people, mostly my friends try to relate me to television characters.

“Oh, Iya!! You are just like Doctor Cox from Scrubs!!”
“You and the Janitor (Scrubs) have so much in common!!”
“You would absolutely LOVE House!! He’s so much like you!!”

If I indeed was like these characters, I would respond in the following ways:

If I was like Doctor Cox
What the hell do you think of yourself, Suzie? You think that television is real? Is that how pathetic your life is? You sit around in your boxers and make relate your friends with TV characters? That’s just dandy. That’s also pathetic. Not only is it reeeeheeeaaly pathetic, but its downright saaaad. Or maybe it’s just something you do during your “that time of the month, huh, Melinda? Should I buy you some tampons? What’s your brand?


If I was like the Janitor
• I would intimidate the aforementioned person with intimidation tactics
• Psychologically break that person down
• Torment him/her with his/her buried past or whatnot
• Give him/her the evil eye
• Make him/her awkward at any and every opportunity

If I was like House
I think you are an idiot, true… but I also think that there is a reason you try and find solace in TV shows. Were you picked on as a kid? Were you abused? If you were, I’m sure you can find some counseling somewhere. I’m sure they’d have a blast with you. I know so; because I enjoy watching you try and relate me to a fictional character so much. Or maybe you are just a snobby little know it all who was pampered too much. You were, weren’t you? You were a snob who was abused? Oh, your shrink is gonna have a field day on you.

But I DON’T react like this. I mostly smile and nod. I DON’T want to put my friends down. I only call guys’ random girls’ names only SOMETIMES. I don’t torment someone with his/her buried past if I don’t know about it, and I DON’T have a limp! See? I’m not like those fictional characters… the fictional characters are like me. So there.

... and why the FUCK is it always hospital characters???

Psychology 101

Yes, I was bored. Sure, I had work. But I had a shot at breakthrough research of human psychology! Would YOU pass that up? Wait… don’t answer that.
So I came up with a way to mess with their heads. It was so simple… so beautiful.
The plan was to make everyone uneasy. Why mess with one when you can mess with everyone? So I came into office one day… a Sunday to be exact. And asked a co-worker, “How are you doing?” and I smiled the most pathetically friendly smile I could. His eyes widened. “umm… err… I’m good.” And he walked away. Vary. The look on his face was delightful. You see, my co-workers know I’m not a morning person. I feel especially vindictive on mornings. So they have learnt to leave me alone on mornings. The very act of me being all talkative and cheery in the morning was making people… well… unsettled.
I’ll admit, having that smile on my face all the time was hard. But… research had to be done and there wasn’t anyone else to do it.

Day one:

Of course, they were suspicious. I told them I didn’t want to live my life the way I had until that point. Cynical, sarcastic, “rude”, angry and … err… “unpredictable”. I had seen the light. I wanted to make amends. Of course they would be suspicious… they weren’t THAT stupid… sometimes. But I kept it up and by the end of the day, they were becoming a bit comfortable around me.

Day two:

My boys surround me. “What the hell are you trying to do?” they ask. “I am a better person now.” I reply. I put on the corny smile and voila! They were eating out of my hand. I kept advising them not to do evil things and shit. “Dude… whenever you feel like being intimate with your girlfriend, don’t do anything. Its not the right way to go. You know it… I know it.” OR “you can deceive me. You can deceive anyone. But you cant deceive *points up*”By now people had accepted me somewhat. They kept asking me for favors. They kept saying stuff that they always wanted to say, but didn’t, for fear of retaliation. People use nice guys as doormats. This is proof of that. So nice guys out there, don’t be doormats… think of your self esteem. Fuck self esteem. Think of your fucking self!

Day three:

The time was here. This was going to be the last day of niceness. I had to suffer through. The nice guy act was eating away my soul. My research was almost done. Three days was more than enough… well it is for me anyway. They were all soft and ripe for the picking now. They had gone soft. BUT there was ONE guy in my section who didn’t buy my act for ONE second. He even offered to pay me to drop it. Claiming I had disturbed the balance. I just smiled and said, “Its gonna be OK. Trust me.”

Outbreak:

I came into office all smiles. Signed in, and had breakfast with my boys. Shook everyone’s hand, and told them about my research. You should have seen their faces. Some of them were offended, the others were drained of all color. I told them I remember everyone who gave me any shit these days. They’d get theirs. And they did. God knows they did. With interest.

Dynamic personality change can affect your environment quite significantly with amusing results. It was fun to see my office buddies all confused and get all cocky and shit. It was more fun to see them change back. You should try it sometime.