Yes, I was bored. Sure, I had work. But I had a shot at breakthrough research of human psychology! Would YOU pass that up? Wait… don’t answer that.
So I came up with a way to mess with their heads. It was so simple… so beautiful.
The plan was to make everyone uneasy. Why mess with one when you can mess with everyone? So I came into office one day… a Sunday to be exact. And asked a co-worker, “How are you doing?” and I smiled the most pathetically friendly smile I could. His eyes widened. “umm… err… I’m good.” And he walked away. Vary. The look on his face was delightful. You see, my co-workers know I’m not a morning person. I feel especially vindictive on mornings. So they have learnt to leave me alone on mornings. The very act of me being all talkative and cheery in the morning was making people… well… unsettled.
I’ll admit, having that smile on my face all the time was hard. But… research had to be done and there wasn’t anyone else to do it.
Of course, they were suspicious. I told them I didn’t want to live my life the way I had until that point. Cynical, sarcastic, “rude”, angry and … err… “unpredictable”. I had seen the light. I wanted to make amends. Of course they would be suspicious… they weren’t THAT stupid… sometimes. But I kept it up and by the end of the day, they were becoming a bit comfortable around me.
My boys surround me. “What the hell are you trying to do?” they ask. “I am a better person now.” I reply. I put on the corny smile and voila! They were eating out of my hand. I kept advising them not to do evil things and shit. “Dude… whenever you feel like being intimate with your girlfriend, don’t do anything. Its not the right way to go. You know it… I know it.” OR “you can deceive me. You can deceive anyone. But you cant deceive *points up*”By now people had accepted me somewhat. They kept asking me for favors. They kept saying stuff that they always wanted to say, but didn’t, for fear of retaliation. People use nice guys as doormats. This is proof of that. So nice guys out there, don’t be doormats… think of your self esteem. Fuck self esteem. Think of your fucking self!
The time was here. This was going to be the last day of niceness. I had to suffer through. The nice guy act was eating away my soul. My research was almost done. Three days was more than enough… well it is for me anyway. They were all soft and ripe for the picking now. They had gone soft. BUT there was ONE guy in my section who didn’t buy my act for ONE second. He even offered to pay me to drop it. Claiming I had disturbed the balance. I just smiled and said, “Its gonna be OK. Trust me.”
I came into office all smiles. Signed in, and had breakfast with my boys. Shook everyone’s hand, and told them about my research. You should have seen their faces. Some of them were offended, the others were drained of all color. I told them I remember everyone who gave me any shit these days. They’d get theirs. And they did. God knows they did. With interest.
Dynamic personality change can affect your environment quite significantly with amusing results. It was fun to see my office buddies all confused and get all cocky and shit. It was more fun to see them change back. You should try it sometime.