Psychological Disorder Syndrome

There’s a fit of psychological disorders running amok in Male’ at the moment. It’s not usual to have a psychological epidemic. But us Maldivians have never had proper psychological awareness. We have to stop these things before it gets worse. And it IS pretty bad as it is. Here are just SOME of the more noticeable syndromes and disorders and whatnot.

Extremist Fanatic Disorder
EFD is a very common type of disorder we see in Maldivian youth today. It manifests itself when someone is extremely manipulate-able or gullible and/or impressionable (i.e. stupid) it may be religious fanatic-ism in which case, you might be able to identify them by the following attributes:

Long sleeved shirts, not short, yet not long pants, unkempt beard and more than one wife. Usually EFD patients suffer from EHS (Exceptionally Hypocrite Syndrome). And talk such banter as: “JIHAADH!! Let us blow those unarmed harmless tourists to smithereens because of no other reason than they are of Christian or other descent!! Death to all infidels because that’s what religion is all about!!”
Proceed with caution if you are in close proximity of a EFD patient.

Maumoon Blaming Syndrome
MBS is the most common of all the disorders of this country. It is infectious in nature. Scientist have yet to decipher a cure for this most annoying psychological ailment. This, since yet untreatable, is to be avoided, or just managed. It can be identified by the banter of the infected.

“Damn! My wife cheated on me with my best friend! Its all Maumoon’s fault! Damn him and his government for making my wife realize that my business trips were actually party trips!!”
“I found pigeon shit on my windshield. Damn Maumoon and his pigeon breeding government!! Maumoon shouldn’t have let me park illegally on the street without a permit!”
“There’s a blister on my penis… DAMN MAUMOON!! His government!! Damn it to hell! His government shouldn’t have let me sleep with that prostitute!!”

This is an incurable syndrome… infection… I’m not sure anymore… just give others a break. When you feel like blaming Maumoon for everything, shut the fuck up. It’s annoying.

Sand In Vagina Syndrome
Don’t let the name fool you. SIVS affects both the sexes. Symptoms include complaining about each and everything. Squinting face and acting in a way that resembles a woman with sand in her vagina. Thus the name SIVS. Most in most “reformists” in all the “political parties”.
Identifiable banter include:

“The people at the *insert political party* took away our rights! We have the right to party! Why cant we drink and booze all we want in a muslim country?”
“The *insert political party* are a bunch of retards! They never listen to us! And they are mean! HMPH!!”
“blah blah blah blah blah *insert political party* blah blah blah promise blah blah blah reform blah blah blah sticks up our ass blah blah blah blah rights for all criminals.. I mean… people!

Brothers and sisters! People of all ages! Listen and listen well. Let us not let these psychological traumas fill our shit hole of a home! We should not let ourselves be consumed with these … eerr… ummm…. Stuff.

Meet Mono's Back

This is my friend Mono.

This photo was taken after a well rounded jam session when Mono decided it was hot and took his shirt off. Poor guy.

Oh, he wasnt hur during this at all. Grab his hand firmly and you'll see you left your mark on him.

Our fingers the brush and his back our canvas.

Be an asshole... be happy.

You know those hot girls with those loser guys? YOU could be one of those guys! You think those guys just get up one day and GET the gal? No, they work for it. Kudos to them, I say. Anyone banging a hot chick deserves a pat on the back and a free coffee. Well, maybe not the free coffee.
Here’s how you build a strong relationship AND get girls to like you.

I’m sure some of you guys out there will know what I’m talking about. There’s a gal that you like, but she’s head over heels for some jerk. I would know… I have been that jerk a few times.

Don’t be shy. Be a jerk. Treat all women like they are trash. They love it. Especially the hot ones. Seriously. Be a complete asshole. Say you are at a coffee with a group of people and theres a girl that you like sitting among them. Don’t hesitate. They smell fear. Be confident. Be arrogant. That’ll get their attention. They wont admit it right off the bat, but they’ll dig you.

You know how girls complain how finding their number and calling them is a violation of their privacy? Fuck their privacy. Get their number. Call them up. U were a jerk, remember? She’ll talk to you. That violation speech is for good guy losers who they don’t like. Good guys are crap in bed, and they know it. It really comes down to sex, yes.

Don’t shudder. Confidence is the key. You are horny. She is horny. Yes. She’s horny too. Girls just aren’t as vocal as we are about that fact. Talk about normal stuff and hint a bit of nice-ness in her favor.

A couple of days more, mett up, make out, have sex. Everyone’s happy. Remember what uncle Iya says… If you cant satisfy your woman in bed, you aren’t worthy of being called a man. So be sure to get plenty of practice and take lots of vitamins. They count orgasms, you know…

TVM is 30??

As you would know, Television Maldives celebrated their 30th year of broadcasting. Me, being the generous person that I am, decided to dedicate a blog post to them. Seriously... I am so fucking generous sometimes... Here’s a bunch of reasons NOT to watch TVM.

It makes you want to kill yourself
The monotone narration and the uninspired, often plagiarized content is enough to drive even the sanest man into suicide. Imagine what it’d do to the weak minded individual!

It makes you dumber
It’s a proven scientific fact that TVM kills a million brain cells every 2.5 minutes. Do the math.

There’s a guy with HUGE eyebrows
A skinny guy with a deep voice and HUGE eyebrows. Nobody should be subjected to that. Nobody.

Sluts. The whole lot of them
Everyone knows that the chicks in the dramas are… you know what? Never mind. It’s a plus point in TVM’s favor.

They broadcast sissy crybaby asswipes
Yooppe’, Seezan AKA Seexan AKA Seazan AKA seaxan AKA Cyzan AKA Cyxan AKA C-zan AKA C-xan, GIYAS the mega faggot, and others who I don’t know the name of.

Creepy news anchors
There’s a lady on TVM who anchors the English news who has a permanent smirk on her face. Like “I know something you don’t” kind of smirk. And she’s not even that hot.

Also this one time I saw and ugly ass buruga clad guy/gal/thing on TVM. Anchoring news, I think… I cant remember correctly. Must have blocked it out of my mind…

They use the SAME GUY for EVERYTHING!!!
Adam Naseer. 'nuff said. that guy is EVERYWHERE!!!