There’s a fit of psychological disorders running amok in Male’ at the moment. It’s not usual to have a psychological epidemic. But us Maldivians have never had proper psychological awareness. We have to stop these things before it gets worse. And it IS pretty bad as it is. Here are just SOME of the more noticeable syndromes and disorders and whatnot.
Extremist Fanatic Disorder
EFD is a very common type of disorder we see in Maldivian youth today. It manifests itself when someone is extremely manipulate-able or gullible and/or impressionable (i.e. stupid) it may be religious fanatic-ism in which case, you might be able to identify them by the following attributes:
Long sleeved shirts, not short, yet not long pants, unkempt beard and more than one wife. Usually EFD patients suffer from EHS (Exceptionally Hypocrite Syndrome). And talk such banter as: “JIHAADH!! Let us blow those unarmed harmless tourists to smithereens because of no other reason than they are of Christian or other descent!! Death to all infidels because that’s what religion is all about!!”
Proceed with caution if you are in close proximity of a EFD patient.
Maumoon Blaming Syndrome
MBS is the most common of all the disorders of this country. It is infectious in nature. Scientist have yet to decipher a cure for this most annoying psychological ailment. This, since yet untreatable, is to be avoided, or just managed. It can be identified by the banter of the infected.
“Damn! My wife cheated on me with my best friend! Its all Maumoon’s fault! Damn him and his government for making my wife realize that my business trips were actually party trips!!”
“I found pigeon shit on my windshield. Damn Maumoon and his pigeon breeding government!! Maumoon shouldn’t have let me park illegally on the street without a permit!”
“There’s a blister on my penis… DAMN MAUMOON!! His government!! Damn it to hell! His government shouldn’t have let me sleep with that prostitute!!”
This is an incurable syndrome… infection… I’m not sure anymore… just give others a break. When you feel like blaming Maumoon for everything, shut the fuck up. It’s annoying.
Sand In Vagina Syndrome
Don’t let the name fool you. SIVS affects both the sexes. Symptoms include complaining about each and everything. Squinting face and acting in a way that resembles a woman with sand in her vagina. Thus the name SIVS. Most in most “reformists” in all the “political parties”.
Identifiable banter include:
“The people at the *insert political party* took away our rights! We have the right to party! Why cant we drink and booze all we want in a muslim country?”
“The *insert political party* are a bunch of retards! They never listen to us! And they are mean! HMPH!!”
“blah blah blah blah blah *insert political party* blah blah blah promise blah blah blah reform blah blah blah sticks up our ass blah blah blah blah rights for all criminals.. I mean… people!
Brothers and sisters! People of all ages! Listen and listen well. Let us not let these psychological traumas fill our shit hole of a home! We should not let ourselves be consumed with these … eerr… ummm…. Stuff.