Wednesday, February 25, 2009

What i should have posted

I am going to go on about how its not cool to make someone be tortured. Especially if that someone is me. Mental torture is the worst. It makes us question who we are. Why we are here. And who’s that groping me from behind while I’m being subjected to this horrendous atrocity. I’m talking about the most brutal agony there is.

Maldivian “cinema”.

I hate the so called Maldivian Film Industry. lovingly called ‘Mollywood’, it is single handedly responsible for the godforsaken stupidity of most of the older population of Maldives, as well as regular moviegoers. These people who call themselves filmmakers looking to make a quick buck make low grade movies on minimum expense and expect maximum profit… which, lets face it, they achieve. Most of the time.

Consider this an open letter to everyone of this so called industry.

Dear sir/s and/or madam/s

I am a simple person from a simple background. I have loved movies all my life. I have grown up with them. I like the people in them. I like the gunfights in them. I like to see my childhood heroes like batman come to life on them.

But you, sir/s and/or madam/s, don’t have any value for movies. You seek only profit. You don’t have charming characters in your movies. Your characters are two dimensional. Nobody can relate to them. Nobody cares about the characters. Nobody even likes them. Except for the people you have brainwashed into liking your sob stories and your three hour cry-a-thons. So, in order to protect the spirit of cinema, that I love so much, I make a promise to you.

I will hunt you down and kill you all. No, I’m not joking.

I have had enough of your fucking pathetic whining, your crying men, dancing whores (okay maybe not the dancing whores) and you shameful and greed-ridden attempts to cash in on other peoples hard earned money. And you have the fucking nerves to call out ‘copyrights’? plagiarize much, motherfuckers? Everything you do is ripped off from some Indian movie or song. And if that wasn’t a clusterfuck in itself, you fuckbrains think your special effects are Hollywood standard. Im looking at you, Amjay.

Amjay. My niece can do a better job directing horror movies than you do. Seriously. Who the fuck you think you are, you morbidly obese small pricked cunt? I will fucking massacre you.

And all the actors. By actors I mean people paid to stand around, crying and not doing much in front of the camera. Yeah, you all can line up behind me and smell my farts for the rest of eternity, because that’s all you are good for. Even then I’m not sure you have the intelligence to actually know what a line is. And the so called actresses… you all… well, … umm… call me later… I’ll tell you what you can do.

So I hope you all will give this some thought, and I look forward to seeing some development in the *ugh* film industry. Don’t make me come after you.

Hugs and kisses,

Iya

14 comments:

paperclippenny said...

kekekekekekekek hugs and kisses LOL. Finally an iya review

knaschru said...

the so-called actresses - seriously dude, those bitches aren't evn worth tht.

Anonymous said...

I never thought of commenting a blog like this before but reading this article couldnt hold up that thot anymore.

I am with you on this issue and I hate too seeing this so called actors the third graders who dropped out schools before they even start to spell out their names. What a losers! copying is the only thing they can do...I have no idea why these people copy the indian movies as if india was the only industry on earth.

I remember one of the directors comment on the TV. He suggests there are three movie makers in the world and his elaboration is a century joke. Would you mind me to tell these three countries. GUESS WHAT AMJEY SAID ON TVM THERE ARE ONLY THREE MOVIE MAKERS IN THE WORLD ie Hollywood Bollywood and Mollywood (in his term). WTF!??????????

The Shadowrunner said...

Hm, you'll need the energy to carry out some RAGE-ATTACK. Might I interest you in a can of Black Opium, 50% off?.

bandey said...

@the shadowrunner - hey intrests me in some black opium will ya. im willing to pay!!

.mini said...

i think they should definitely see this, and kommes echeh visnigen huttafaanu mihurihaa "film" hedhun

The Shadowrunner said...

My contact info is up on my page.
Lemme know if you need anything.

Hilath said...

Now that's more like it! You're back in form!

maa nasih said...

Those good-for-nothing-suckers who seem to have brainwashed the whole nation... that keep buying into their profit-making-hooligies.. And to think there are ACTUAL talented people here, who just don't get the exposure or chance they deserve.. New channels and what not, still all in the name of money, in this lil community.. nothing for the love of movie-making or whatever.. Gak don't get me started...
Anyway, I salute thee for having thy balls intact.

canofworms said...

In Maldivian cinema only will you see screen time given to the most pointless of things: like chopping vegetables, stirring coffee, exchange of small talk and pleasentries in scene after scene, only with different characters to make it look like something new, without going anywhere with the story, and their favorite one of all: folding clothes.

It's degenerating. You're right, it just might be what is responsible for the stupidity of maldivians.

Hilath said...

canofworms:

Maybe that's what Maldivians do to while away most of their time: do useless things! heheh.

shaari said...

those films maybe crap but people pack cinemas to watch it. so why not make them? i think the majority of our audience is accustomed to bollywood & they actually enjoy the hindi-esque, C-grade stuff our filmmakers come up with. art & originality take a backseat & anything different like '30 Dhuvas' or 'Heyla' find a meagre audience.

there's room though for art films here cos we've many creative & educated people in the visual field. what we need is a new wave of cinema like that of the rise of young bands of late producing good original music.

lyna said...

oooohh i love people who hate maldivian cinema :) nice work iya! kill those bastards ^_^

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