Smokers' last stand

So... i was smoking the other day... i technically quit, but i still OCCASIONALLY smoke. *ahem* ... I was smoking the other day and i noticed the warning on the pack. Now, i DID see these warnings on the packs before, but this was the first time it provoked me to think... yes, i thought... long and hard on these warnings. And i came to a conclusion...

No, not to completely quit.

I thought of alternate little notes instead of warnings that would be more effective. Let me explain a little bit thoroughly. here is a brief explaination of why the current warnings will not work and why my new and improved warnings will.

Current warnings

Smoking is hazardous to your health.

Yes... the old classic. this has been used so damn much that nobody really gives a damn anymore.

Smokers have a high probability of being diaglosed with lung cancer
but theres still a probability that some smokers WONT be diagnosed with lung cancer. Its this small probability that drives smokers to smoke.

Passive smoking harms non smokers.

Who the fuck gives a damn? if they are concerned about their health, they wouldnt be near smoking smokers!

Smoking may cause defects in your children

Most smokers choose to ignore this as they dont really care about their children born or unborn when they smoke.

Now, for my version.

All smokers of this pack of cigarettes are fags (homosexuals)

I certainly wouldnt smoke something like that... Think about it.. all the homophobes will DEFINITELY stop smoking!!

Smokers' fuck their mothers
who'd wanna be labelled THAT?

Smokers' weiners will shrink

... and thus all self respecting men quit smoking

Smoking makes you look fat

You cant make a woman touch a pack of cigarettes with a gun to her head with this warning!

There you have it... some of the stuff that occured to me during my brief moment of thought. Naturally i didnt think much of it then, but insomnia can bring long dead memories to the surface... this is one such surfaced memory. Call me crazy if you wanna, but if you really think about this, it makes sense.

Workplace lingo

In different places, words and phrases have different meanings. I’m going to prove this by telling you, the readers of my little bloggy, what some words mean in the world and what the same words mean in my workplace. I noticed it the other day thinking about something a co-worker said to me. It’s amazing how they differ… for ME, at least… I am going to give examples where necessary.

Here are some of the most noticeable words and phrases.

Volunteer (real world meaning)
A person who performs or offers to perform a service voluntarily
And that brings us to: voluntarily.
Voluntarily: Done or undertaken of one's own free will

Volunteer (workplace meaning)
To force or blackmail someone into doing something, without any other choice.
Example: “I have volunteered you to *insert task here* go do it. If you don’t, *insert threat here*”

Task (real world meaning)
A piece of work assigned or done as part of one's duties.

Task (workplace meaning)
Whatever work that’s left lying around that someone’s too lazy to do, that can be shoved into junior staff’s faces.
Example: “I need two of our graphics designers to go *insert unrelated, unprofessional task here* and and be quick about it.”

Task distribution (real world meaning)
Distributing tasks among the staff.

Task distribution (workplace meaning)
Shoving tasks up my face.

Birthday celebration (real world meaning)
Celebrating a birthday with loved ones and friends.

Birthday celebration (workplace meaning)
Spending hard earned cash to feed people you are not comfortable with.

Promotion (real world meaning)
The act of promoting or the fact of being promoted; advancement.

Promotion (workplace meaning)
*same as birthday celebration*

Yes, fellow readers… this post is written because of the unjust atmosphere of my workplace. I guess that’s just some of the things I got to deal with to make money… but don’t be surprised if, one fine day you see a bloody rampage reported on the news.

Honest is the best policy?

Honesty may be the best policy. But honesty is not the most accepted policy. People expect you to be honest, but when you are honest… they just don’t accept it. The reason I say this, well… let me tell you in detail…

I am a honest person. I don’t hold stuff in. if a person asks me something, I say what I feel. Like I said, I don’t hold back. For example, a person asks me what I think of that person. And I give an honest opinion. If that person is a pampered, spoilt, rich kid who has no idea whatsoever what a hard life is, but thinks he/she does because he/she is going through a breakup, I say that he /she is a pampered, spoilt, rich kid who has no idea whatsoever what a hard life is, but thinks he/she does because he/she is going through a breakup. OR if a person is a self absorbed, self centered ego maniacal bitch/bastard, I say that he/she is a self absorbed, self centered ego maniacal bitch/bastard. This is wrong… apparently. I am, in fact, supposed to form an opinion, keep it to myself, take the opposite, sugar coat it, and blurt out the opposite, sugar coated one. No, it’s true. I’m not kidding… seriously. That, apparently is how we should voice our opinions. This was brought up by a friend of mine, who thinks life is all about bunnies and cuddly little soft toys. She MIGHT be one of the aforementioned descriptions of people.

Why the hell ask an opinion in the first place? That is what bothers me. If I ask an opinion of someone, I expect to be answered in full honesty. And that’s why I answer THEM (whoever) the way I do. But I end up being “harsh”. So, ok, maybe I am. But this is me. If you are gonna ask me, u better be ready for some truth. So, if you think about it… the truth DOES hurt, doesn’t it? Because we all know what we really are… but when we ask someone what they think of us, its really a test. “am I putting out the right image?” “do they know me for who I am or who I show them I am?” If you wanna hide who you are so much, … stay indoors.

If society wants wool put over its eyes on purpose, I say change the saying that honesty is the best policy. I say nowadays… honesty is the ‘not so smart’ policy. ‘coz they’ll say be honest, but what they really mean is “tell me what I wanna hear”. Well, you might as well, impale me with a hot iron, 'coz that never gonna happen.

FAQ

Lately I have been getting… opinions. Opinions about me, my attitude, my personality, my speech pattern, my choice of underwear… boxers. You name it. People just LOVE to voice their opinions about me. Its great that people do want to let their feelings be known to the world. I encourage it. But hearing the same shit over and over again makes me bored. I will try my best to explain the wonder that is me. Below are some of the questions and comments that are directed at me and my usual response.

Why are you so mean all the time?
I’m not mean all the time. You just suck so much I get pissed off at the very sight of you. That’s why to YOU I seem like I’m mean all the time.

Are you always like this? Bitter and MEAN?
Not always. Now fuck off.

What if when you grow old you are a bitter old man who nobody likes?
Good. There’ll be more space for me. Anyways, why the fuck do YOU care so much?

I don’t like the way you are always negative. Why is that?
Its not that I want to be negative, but you are such a hippie, I have to keep balance.

Everybody hates you.
thats nice to know

I hate you.
… and your point is…?

You scare me.
I’m not changing your diapers if you shit yourself, now…

I want to help you and change you.
**laughter until the person leaves or cries**

People talk about how mean you are behind your back!
**here I encourage the messenger that he/she tell these people to tell it to my face**

Do you derive some sick twisted pleasure out of putting people down?
No. its just that the way you come and squeal like this every time I do, makes me sadistically satisfied. So thank YOU for making my day brighter.

You always think you are right.
Who doesn’t?

Who gave you the right to be a jerk?
I earned it.

You never think about other people’s feelings.
If I didn’t, I would be listening to you drone on about what is none of your business in the first place.

So these are some of the FEW stuff that are thrown at me nowadays. You can imagine my torment. The people I live with… sheeeesh. So if you have a question other than whats been answered, give me a holla.