Workplace lingo

In different places, words and phrases have different meanings. I’m going to prove this by telling you, the readers of my little bloggy, what some words mean in the world and what the same words mean in my workplace. I noticed it the other day thinking about something a co-worker said to me. It’s amazing how they differ… for ME, at least… I am going to give examples where necessary.

Here are some of the most noticeable words and phrases.

Volunteer (real world meaning)
A person who performs or offers to perform a service voluntarily
And that brings us to: voluntarily.
Voluntarily: Done or undertaken of one's own free will

Volunteer (workplace meaning)
To force or blackmail someone into doing something, without any other choice.
Example: “I have volunteered you to *insert task here* go do it. If you don’t, *insert threat here*”

Task (real world meaning)
A piece of work assigned or done as part of one's duties.

Task (workplace meaning)
Whatever work that’s left lying around that someone’s too lazy to do, that can be shoved into junior staff’s faces.
Example: “I need two of our graphics designers to go *insert unrelated, unprofessional task here* and and be quick about it.”

Task distribution (real world meaning)
Distributing tasks among the staff.

Task distribution (workplace meaning)
Shoving tasks up my face.

Birthday celebration (real world meaning)
Celebrating a birthday with loved ones and friends.

Birthday celebration (workplace meaning)
Spending hard earned cash to feed people you are not comfortable with.

Promotion (real world meaning)
The act of promoting or the fact of being promoted; advancement.

Promotion (workplace meaning)
*same as birthday celebration*

Yes, fellow readers… this post is written because of the unjust atmosphere of my workplace. I guess that’s just some of the things I got to deal with to make money… but don’t be surprised if, one fine day you see a bloody rampage reported on the news.