Monday, June 08, 2009

Medical atrocity

I have been away from this blog, but I haven’t been away from bringing you all the truth.

I have addressed some psychological… disturbances… in a previous post. So, based on that I have done extensive research in the field of psychology and physiology among the sexes. And I am not, I repeat, I am not talking about girl on guy reverse cowgirl sweat and moaning action… though I should be. I am talking about men and women, and their differences, psychologically… and physiologically.

Contrary to popular belief, men are as susceptible to physical and mental ailments as women. No, it’s totally true. Well, maybe not as much on the mental stuff as much as women. Women are fucking crazy.

Well, men still can get fucked up in the head and body. But in our defense, its mostly to impress women. So again, women are to blame. So there. But, we can’t play the blame game all the time, someone needs to do something about these serious psychological… umm… thingies. Here are two of the physical and psychological disorders/syndromes/watchacallits that affect men.

Double Douchebagitis

This particular ailment is a deadly one. This can affect a person, and the people around him. Double Douchebagitis (hereby referred to as DD) is a result of the Rap Virus entering the bloodstream of the male host and rendering his sense of reason (and fashion) useless. A patient of DD can be identified primarily by his choice of clothes. A baseball cap or a hat of some kind is common among DD patients. Though the Rap Virus fucks up their heads so much, that they don’t know which way a visor should face. Usually facing sideways, these caps would be crying if they weren’t inanimate pieces of headgear. Also, DD patients have severe speech impediments, though they often try to pass this off as slang. Also, they tend to wear loose pants which leave the onlooker with the sight of the patients’ dirty boxers. No one wants to or needs to see that. And DD patients also act like they are better than everyone else, but this is because of the virus. This is how the name of this sad disease is derived.

Also, bling. Ugh.

Just look at the amount of degradation *sniffles*


Tightesterone Malfunctionary Douchebaggeritiva

This is a particularly annoying form of disease which affects men. Tightesterone Malfunctionary Douchebaggeritiva (hereby referred to as TMD) is a direct result of infection of the Celebrity Virus. As with DD patients, you can easily identify TMD patients from their clothes. Tight, sometimes see through clothes. The victims of this sad delusion causing blight are also hearing impaired. They seem to think that the cacophony that is popular music, popularly called pop music by most of the population, is actually ‘cool’ or ‘good’. As us sane people know, these sounds are nothing but audibly distinct abominations. Care must be taken in interacting with these tortured souls as these patients have their brains re-routed to their penises. You know… because of TMD. And because of this, their brain cells tend to die out to the point that they can’t even spell their own names.

Seezan? Seeson? Seaxon? C-zan?

And the saddest part of it all is that medical science simply does not have a single cure for these ailments. And these diseases in their worst cases are, in fact, contagious. May god help us all.

9 comments:

bandey said...

finally something worth your satire. will we be seeing more medical buff ups in the future?

AzMyst said...

So... Seixorn isn't to blame after all? He's just mentally sick. What's Eyoopee's excuse?

Thom said...

i love that youve returned to this brand of post... awesomeness...reeks of it!
BUTTT i cannot for the life of me, figure out why you've defaced your blog with a picture of such a deformity.. i get you are trying to explain the medical seriousness of the condition but couldnt you have used a less graphic example?? LOL :P

thundho said...

why is a season attached to ur blog its disfiguring the whole thing...
hoping to see more of these nice diseases

Anonymous said...

nice diseases? wtf?

Anonymous said...

no comments about the pants of the cops?

Iya said...

@bandey:: you will see buff ups... maybe medical, maybe not.

@azmyst:: youppey is a fucking douchebag, but we'd have to look inside his psyche to really root out the problem.

@thom:: i truly am sorry my dear thom. i did not mean for anyone to get offended, i just wanted people to see the extent of damage that it does.

@thundho:: diseases arent nice. they arent nice at all.

@anonymous:: exactly.

@anonymous:: police pants gets you off?

The Shadowrunner said...

I wear a cap, visor up front and lowered. Am I a victim of DD?.

Anonymous said...

police pants are extremely tight around the bum!! and looks very yummy. i hear you're a cop...do you guys do a special 'buns of steel' routine or is it just clever tailoring?