Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The Bill, please.


When I first saw the posters for the now famous Bilal Philips (Bill) I was indifferent. Who cares, right? But then, Bill actually came and the Islamic type people where real excited. After all, this was a big deal for them. Billy was here.
So he came, and started talking a lot of bullshit.

Bill said it was okay to marry underage children. Because apparently, according to Islam, once a girl experiences her first… ugh… menstruation, she's eligible for marriage (and sex). Well, Bill, you gave all the haabees a boner there.

Bill confirmed that it was alright for your babies to get the proper vaccinations. Thank you Billy. We couldn’t have known that babies with not yet fully functional immune systems and whatnot need essential medical care without you telling us.

I am not here for that. Underage sex slaves and other shit, while important, isn’t as important as this. Who the fuck gave you the right to diss smoking?
Apparently smoking is not allowed in Islam.

Who the fuck gave you the right to fuck with peoples’ heads, Bill? I thought you were cool. You had the wacky hat and everything. I will not stand idly by when people are quitting based on your biased opinion. It’s true. People are actually quitting because you dragged your lanky ass on that stage and started spewing out your bullshit. Fuck you and anyone you are associated with.

I will smoke twice as much now just out of spite. Also, all this time, if a person didn’t smoke, I left him/her alone… from now on, I will make people smoke. Get them addicted. I will distribute free cigarettes for school children. I will pass out cigars at hospitals. I will make Male’ a fucking smoking only zone. We will win by sheer numbers, Bill. We will kill you to death by passive smoking your retarded ass.
And I call upon all smokers! Do your part! We shall not let some self righteous dickweed tell us what to do. We shall unite, yet once again (I know I call out for unity oh so often) and obliterate these non believers of the power of tobacco! If they call us infidels to the way of religion, fuck them and call them tobacco infidels!

Fuck you Bill, and have a nice life in brown town.

18 comments:

Sascratch said...

Amen to that :D

andhu said...

iya it comes from

"...make not your own hands contribute to your destruction..." (Surah al-Baqarah 2:195);

this is all over Saudi Arabian bill boards as an anti smoking campaign but not much people listen to it.

this verse could be used for coffee , coke , junk food and lot more even to surfing and listening to loud music due the the long term damages they cause. what ever harms u is haram for people to who practice Islam sincerely and absolutely.
i wonder how many extremist quit smoking.
so keep on SMOKING dude!!!

Yaamyn said...

@andhu

Hehe. Yeah. Now that I think about it, the verse could also be used against jehadis. What better way to destroy yourself than to encourage suicide bombers.

Hmm..

Fali said...

NOOOOOO!
think very carefully before you take this course of action. We need soldiers to fight these arab invaders. We need strong foot soldiers for Shadowrunners army. We cannot have Resisters with diseased lungs who keel over and wheeze after every metre! And we most certainly cannot have the tobacco industry laughing all the way to the bank..... erm.. i mean more than they do now....
No, I say smoke the usual amount and build your strength!

Anonymous said...

bilaal erey thagureeru dheyn dhiyaee underware nulay v gina meehun kyaa..and also eynage thinbein othee laafa huri haruvaalhumathin v bodah enegeysho..many ladys talked abt that..iyaa eyna dheke rulhi annavaru hama kuda..lol gana

Anonymous said...

article is bullshit. waste of typing dude and a waste of time reading this article for me.

Iya said...

@sascratch:: amen.

@andhu, yaamyn:: yes, what about the jihadist people? that, to me is the ultimate form of self destruction. even more so than smoking or hookers.

@fali:: well, thats really a matter of opinion. given that i would want to BE in an army. I'm all up for resisting, though.

@anonymous 11:14 :: you are absolutely right. I am an absolute saint who actually wears underwear.

@anonymous 6:05 :: well, to each his own. at least you wasted your time reading this waste of typing. what more can anyone ask for?

Thom said...

oh Iya... you get THE funniest anonymous-ers...
btw... I like, updated. Like, REALLY...
kekekke.. that being said,
SMOKE ON.. UP... whatever you be diggin! :P

Hilath said...

andhu: if so, then living itself is haram! let's all commit mass suicide... but wait even taking our own lives is haram too...what a dilemma then...what is the halal thing to do in such a paradoxical situation!

Anonymous said...

thiya beyfulhun ah mikanthatha hajamu nukureveythee hama hithaama kuran!

Anonymous said...

to above anonymous, thiya befulhaage thuththu dharifulhu alhugandaa dhevan veenu thoa? alhuganduge bodu lalhi ekuda kuda ekamanaage findhah vadhdhaalumakee thiya beyfulhaa hama hithun ruhumun hajamu kuraane kameh thoa?

Anonymous said...

damn it iya! i thought you were gonna atleast rant a little bit more about the young girls being sacrificed for the beardies....but i like smoking too so i like this

ie cco said...

smoke! smoke! smoke!!!
go iya! keke

Anonymous said...

Loll..How old are you? reaching middle aged??

Iya said...

@thom:: Finally, eh? Took you damned sweet time didn't you?

@hilath:: leave it to the beardies. they'll think up of a reason to halaal something up when it meets their requirements.

@anonymous 1:49, 2:49:: behave yourselves, now. Dont go scratching some poor eye out.

@anonymous 1:26 :: I am glad you like smoking. we could be part of a smoker gang like in waterworld. only thjis waterworld wont have kevin costner in it.

@ie cco:: This is my blog and I am not leaving. so you go.

@anonymous 8:25 :: I'm a geriatric Alzheimer patient. who gives a fuck?

Anonymous said...

alas iyash...if only we can make them bearded and shrouded 'brothers and sisters' commit mass suicide and float up to heaven and their 70 virgins and leave us in peace.... isnt there any verse that condones this? i mean if they would all congregate in one place i would blow them up... for the betterment of man and especially womankind

levitan said...

iya iya.. tsk tsk.. -__-'
im not here to diss you but 'billy', as u refer to didnt address as to marry as soon as a girl hits mensuration. as for ur paraphrasing of his words. he stated that it is up to the father who righteously takecare of her and love her will decide wheather she is ready for marriage, thus then only she will be permitted to be married, and billy also stated that if and since the world has such corruption and abuse, a father misuses in the power he holds to sell the daughter or harm her in any way then who ever knows about this and as soon as they do should report to the proper authorities.

As for the smokers bit, islam teachings are diffrent in diffrent mazhabs, so the views about such matters differ in diffrent cultures/teachings. Thus we are to learn and find whats right for our selves.

Mulsifid said...

my favorite part is: We will kill you to death by passive smoking your retarded ass. hahahahaha. but honestly, how much more can you kill a person other than to death? but passive smoking, ur writin is brilliant i say. very entertaining to read too Iya. thanks for ur comment on my Mosquito one. and sorry it took me so long to read ur stuff. :)